Portrait of a Writer

Dear journal,

Like Sonia Sotomayer, I am not a natural writer. I hear people speaking about loving to write; it’s freeing, expressive, and imaginative. I sadly disagree with all of the adjectives. Writing is a burden and exhausting. Throughout the years, I have found ways to cope and lessen this hatred.

When pondering this paper itself, I procrastinated. “I’ll write it after church tonight! No, I’ll stay home from church tonight to write it. Well maybe I could get up earlier on Friday to write it? No, no. Bad idea I’ll oversleep and have nothing to turn in”. I dread nothing more than this very first paragraph deciding what to talk about. This assignment shouldn’t be so bad, I am just reflecting on myself, right?

Papers and I are a vicious cycle. Writing does not come easy to me, as I am not a woman of many words. I have always been the shy, reserved girl and this is reflected in my writing habits. When it comes to social interactions, I would much rather be a listener, only contributing when necessary. Thoughts and ideas are forced onto pages. While a paper would take just an hour or so for one person, it would take multiple hours for me. I believe it is the combination of intimidation, and biological reasons such as feeling a lack of need to express thoughts. As usual, I tried starting out with a general outline of what I wanted to express through this paper. I separate thoughts into three separate body paragraphs, adding key details I am hitting on throughout. I then add in how I want to begin and end the piece. This is about as wordy as I like to get; however, this will not cut it for most college essays.

            This writer’s block is certainly part of my personality, but I believe there are other factors to be considered as well. My junior year I had a teacher that I was not very fond of. I felt he didn’t use criticism that helped me and in turn really just hurt how I felt about writing. It seemed as though everything I wrote was dumb and useless. As if I already did not like writing, this just made everything worse. Things changed with a new teacher and a new year. My senior composition class was the best English class I could have taken. I somehow was able to enjoy going to class every day. I remember her explaining that writing can be a drag, but there are ways to learn to enjoy it. Though I hate creative writing the most, she made it fun. I actually felt successful as a writer! I believe that it was in this class that I found my writer’s voice. Depending on the genre, this voice comes out in a different way. Perhaps my favorite paper in the class was a persuasive piece about the processed foods we put in our body. (Yes, it was somewhat of a dreaded research piece). I have a passion for food and healthy ways of preparing it. When writing about something I really care about, the fear and intimidation goes away. Without this teacher, Mrs. Engelkes, I would not have realized this. The next year, this fall semester in English 150, I had a fabulous teacher as well. Sinem Sonsaat did a great job at working with me and giving constructive feedback on my work. It was these two years that I believe my attitude towards writing and communication began to improve.

That was the point at which I realized that I don’t hate writing as much as it seems. I do not have a strong personality or feelings about most things, but if I find that thing that really strikes a nerve with me, I like writing. Allegra Goodman writes in Calming the Inner Critic and Getting to Work:

“Go back to your library, your forest, your newspapers, your family, your day job, your photos, your music, your maps and jottings of old dreams. All these are teeming with life, and life is the stuff of fiction. There are no guarantees, but if you go out where stories are congregate, it’s far more likely that characters will come.” (Goodman 310).

All I need to do is find the inspiration. Something that motivates me, and that is when the ideas will flow. This, I believe is the best way to beat the writer-blues and become a person that likes to write.

            The second point of Goodman’s that I like is that “Past masters are done. Their achievements are finite, known, measurable.” (Goodman 308). We don’t need to write to try to out-do or live up to those of the past. The way I see this, is that you do not need to write for the approval of others. Whether you live up to the level of those before you is irreverent. I believe that you should write what is pleasing to you.

It is because all of these things that I want to look at a writing in a different light this semester. I was delighted to hear that we will be writing research papers that have to do with our major. This is a positive twist on normally boring papers. I believe this will really help me to be interested in the papers we will do and not feel that it is a burden. It also will be useful for my other classes. Learning to write well is a good thing, but learning to write well in the field that we will be writing in the rest of our lives, is even better.

            Throughout this semester, I want to improve my writing skills and become more confident in my writing. I would like to be able to be a more efficient writer and learn how to put my thoughts together quicker and write more college (high level) papers. Lastly, I would like to get away from the dislike I had previously developed for writing, and possibly even consider it fun.